Taking Out The Trash

In order to move forward to 2010, I need to do some confessing of the soul. Bare with me this one last final "airing of grievances" post and then it's over and done with, I promise!

I regretfully spent a large portion of the last part of 2009 feeling sorry for myself. I have been mopey, bitchy, angry, bitter, annoyed, sad, depressed...you know, all the crazy Dwarves. I have snapped at friends. I have avoided people. While everyone else was out enjoying the "spirit" of the season, I was sitting at home. Moping. And dreading the holidays. Hating them. I barely even looked at the Christmas cards I received this year. (I'm sorry friends) I didn't even send cards for the first time in years. I didn't go look at the lights (except if I ran by them), I didn't go to any Christmas parties, I didn't even go to Christmas Eve service like I always do. And to top it all off, my family got 3 phone calls on Christmas Day that 3 different people we knew had passed away. One of them being a lady that was like a second grandmother to me all these years. We knew her time was close, but really?? Christmas Day? My mom and I agreed that God just wanted her to have a special Christmas this year so he took her home with him. It was just the icing on the cake for me though.

But enough is enough. Last Sunday I went to church for the first time in months. It was a new church, and I really liked it. I'm planning on going back this Sunday. It's not that I had a pivotal moment in church or anything, but as I sat there listening to the music, I realized that things have to change. I don't exactly know how but I know I am going to figure it out.

I was going to to a "reflection" post over this past year, but I decided against it. I just want to move forward. I know a lot of people get caught up in resolutions and I think that is ok. It's a chance to forgive yourself and start over. Who doesn't need that?

In a nutshell, it's time for me to "take out the trash." 2009 was not my best year. But sometimes we need bad years to appreciate great years. All of the negativity and sadness is going out to the dumpster. I have so many things to be grateful for in my life. Believe me, I thank God EVERY night for everything He's given or done for me. He knows I'm grateful. He just knows I've been a little out of sorts lately. We're working on that together.

So here's to you 2010, whatever you may bring. Happy New Year to all of you!

(Thanks Bailey!)

PS I have a new blog in the works! I'm excited. My brother bought and paid for the domain for me for Christmas. Good things to come...

Final Race of the Year Recap!

Saturday morning when my alarms (yes plural, I'm OCD like that) went off, I was really sleepy and grouchy. I laid in bed wondering why in God's name I had decided to run this race today. And the race didn't even start until 10 AM, but for some reason I felt exhausted. My guess it was due to all the food and I was feeling sluggish. But who doesn't eat like a pig on Christmas Day? And Christmas Eve? And oh yea the day before that? And...well, you get the idea. Really, it was just that my mom cooked for us all week long. And I'm not used to eating like that during the week. At least for the Turkey Trot that was pre-food fest.

So, moving slow and feeling like I had a ton of bricks in my stomach, I rolled out of bed and got dressed headed to the race. I met M and her hubs in the parking lot, and we made our way over to pick up our chips. It was pretty cold, for me at least, but the sun was shining so I knew we would warm up pretty quickly. I wore my Nike short sleeve shirt, arm warmers, and a black zip up jacket over that. I had a feeling that I should have left my jacket in the car and just ran with my arm warmers only. However, it was 35 degrees out there and waiting outside for the race to start for 30 minutes with no jacket was not an option for me. I wish there was a place you could dump your pre-race clothing and pick it up after the race.

I did my business as usual trip to the portys twice, because the first time I had stage fright. I felt like everyone in line was waiting on me to go. Oh wait, they were! I had only had a glass of water and a tiny bit of coffee that morning, but I knew I didn't want to hold that in for 3 miles. So about 10 minutes later I tried again. The lines were SO long, but I'm glad I went because this time I was able to go. Whew! If you know me, I have bathroom paranoia BIG time. By the way, I thought M was behind me in line, so right before I closed the door, I stuck my head out and made a face like I was sucking in air and holding my breath while I was in there. Only it wasn't her behind me, it was a hot guy. And he seriously looked at me like I was special. And not a good kind of special either. Oh well....haha.

After that, we walked with everyone to the Start line. I got a little nervous, but didn't have much time to think about it because next thing I knew we were off!

Mile one: I had intended on sticking with M for the whole race because we have been in this together from the get go. But about a half mile into the race, I noticed a few walker/runners trying to use us as pace guides. They would stop and walk for a while, and then sprint to catch up with us. Oh hellllll no. I was not having that. It was really ticking me off, so I looked at Melissa, made sure she was ok, and I took off. Plus, I really did want to see if I could beat my time from last time.

Mile 2: Mile 2 was pretty uneventful. I was feeling good, running at a good pace (for me) and even the rolling hills that were popping up weren't bothering me. I kept checking back at M feeling bad that I left her, but she wasn't far behind me. I got hot, so I took my jacket off and tied it around my waist. Still had the arm warmers on at this point. They felt so great.

Also, I wanted to mention the scenery for this course was so pretty. A few small bridges, lots of trees, beautiful houses, a golf course and country club, etc. Lots of things to look at and enjoy along the way.

Mile 3: My overall sluggishness and lack of running a week prior to that started catching up with me. My legs were starting to ache, and the hills were starting to wear me down. My pace slowed down and I had to stop and walk twice for just a few seconds. Thus another problem crept up...my nervous stomach kicked in and I wasn't sure I was going to make it. I ran by someone's house that was doing construction, and they had a porty in their front yard. I seriously thought I might have to stop! Thoughts that were going through my head at this point: "I wonder if anyone has ever pooped their pants in a 5k? I wonder how much further?? I wonder how much time off my finish a stop in the porty would take?" Awesome stuff like that.

When I got about a half mile to the end, we came on another good sized hill. I was hurting, so I stopped for a minute. I was also burning up, so I peeled the arm warmers down to my wrists(thanks to chicrunner for this suggestion.) I had noticed this woman running a similar pace than me for the last half mile or so. I guess I looked rough, because when she saw me stop, she ran over to me and said "come on, run with me. We can do this, let's finish together." I can't even tell you how great that made me feel, and gave me the extra boost I needed to keep running! I tried to find her later to thank her again, but she was gone. So thank you mystery lady!

I have to say the best part of the race: A downhill finish!!! Glory Hallelujah. I have never sprinted so fast in my life.

I was hoping that I would finish a little faster than I did, but my lack of prepping for this race definitely caught up with me. I finished in 37:18. Meh. However, not to totally be down on myself, I did beat my last 5k time of 38:18. Hey, any improvement is good, right? Also, I did stop and take 2 small walk breaks in this race. Had I not done that, I would have finished under 37 and my pace would have been in the 11 range. Definitely not going to feel bad about that.

Oct 5k finished in 38:25 average pace of 12:22
Nov 8K finished in 1:01:36 average pace of 12:24 *walked a good bit towards the end of this one
Dec 5K finished in 37:18 average pace of 12:01

I am NOT a fast runner, but I will not let that stop me from running races. Slowly but surely I will get faster and faster. But until then, I'm going to keep doing my thing. Slow runners unite! haha

The winner of this race finished in 16:30 w an average pace of 5:19!!! Holy Moly! That's a 5 minute mile people. That is amazing to me. Must have something to do with the fact that he was from Jersey and is used to the cold weather ;)

Bummer moment - I have NO pics from the race :( I left my camera at home, and my BB sucks and has no camera phone. I am going to rectify this problem VERY soon. I love taking pics way too much not to have a phone with a camera. And my Nikon is too large to run with. No race pictures of me have been posted on the race site yet either. I messaged them, and they said more to come today. If they happen to post a decent one of me, I'll post it. Bummer McBummerson.

That's it. Pretty proud of myself for running 3 races this year! And you better believe more to come for 2010.

Since I have no race pics, here's a picture on Christmas Day of me and the woman responsible for all of the food I've consumed this week. Thanks mom! :)

ETA: They finally updated with pictures of us somewhere around mile 3. (No finish line pic but maybe it's for the best.) UGH Hate this picture of me, BUT glad they caught a picture of the sweet girl who ran with me to the finish. Yay for her! Thanks for running with me!

(Arm warmers were OFF completely at this point. Guess my wrists got hot, LOL)

Twas the Night Before the Cold Winter's Day 5k

And I haven't run at all this week.

That's Slacker Syndrome at it's best, folks. However, tomorrow morning I'm going to suck it up and run 3 miles in the cold. At least it's not supposed to pour BUCKETS like it did this morning. (We got 4 inches in just a few hours)

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas. Ours was nice and quiet, and mostly we just ate. And ate again. And lest ye think that all I do is post pics of me in my running gear, here is one of me this morning on my way out the door to go chow down. These are my "fat" jeans. Nice and stretchy! And the hat was necessary due to the monsoon outside.

Merry Christmas, y'all.

More endurance? Yes please!

So yesterday, I made a decision. I need more endurance! The last few weeks, my running has slowed down a bit, because the holiday madness has caught up with me. Dinners and shopping and traffic, oh my! And then there is the darkness factor, which sometimes I'm ok with. And other times, yes, I do get creeped out (in answer to someone's question). My parent's neighborhood is a very safe area, however, let's be honest. A chick running alone at night with headphones on is not the safest regardless where you run. AND I'm so deathly afraid of being run over by cars! Seriously, people, slow down! And while I'm at it, stop texting! (Preaching to myself here too) Which reminds me, I need to do a post about running at night and how to stay safe. Or at least try to!

The point of all of this is that, since my runs are not as consistent and/or frequent, I am finding myself very tired and worn out more quickly.

I've been putting it off, but the answer to my problem lies at the gym. I need to start taking spin classes again. The girl who ran the 8K Turkey Trot with me told me that it has helped her endurance immensely. So, I'm hoping to have the same result.

Now I just need to get past my fear of walking into that close-knit room of crazy people. Let me tell you, I can hear these guys whooping and hollering while I'm on the treadmill in the other room. I have done spinning before, but it's been about a year ago at the local Y. And the atmosphere was clearly different. This group at my current gym all get very excited and they all know each other very well. So, I'm a little nervous joining up with them. However, I do know the instructor, because he trained me a few times. I think I will go early, and chat up with him beforehand. Maybe that will ease my nerves.

Last but not least, I got the BEST Christmas present from my friend M this past weekend. Arm warmers! LOVE. I tested them out yesterday afternoon, and it was quite chilly. I never took them off actually. But they are great for when it really starts to warm up during your run, and you can just peel them right off. FAB.

New running shirts - Zensah review

Last week, I bought 2 Zensah running shirts because I have heard great things about them from other runners on twitter and blogs. ChicRunner posted some awesome coupon codes to get 2 shirts half off, so I snatched that deal up. I mean, I love some deals people. I got one long sleeve black shirt and one short sleeve pink one (the pink one is featured on their main page) The long sleeve black one is pictured below (be kind people, this shirt is snug and shows my um, rolls.)

I LOVE these shirts, they are so comfortable. They are made of microfiber. I even wore the black one to bed last night. I would have worn it to work if I could have gotten away with it. The only complaint I have is that there was a noticeable sizing difference between the short sleeve and the long sleeve shirts. The short sleeve one is almost too big. I might try to see if I can return it for a smaller size.

I also wish I had gotten the white long sleeve, because I am running outside at night a good bit now and I have to wear a white shirt over it so I don't get run over by cars. (or the UPS man, who almost turned me into Flat Stanley tonight)

I wore the black shirt running tonight but unfortunately it was just too warm and muggy for me to really need it. I was sweating like I had just finished a marathon. I can't wait to wear it on a really chilly night! I can see how it would keep the cold out, and it did really do a good job absorbing moisture. Because, in case I didn't mention, I was sweating. BIG time.

Sorry for the lameoid photos below. My time delayed photos are coming out blurry lately, so I'm having to take lovely bathroom mirror pics.


















This one above was after my run tonight. Hence, schweaty. And just noticed how gross that mirror is. This photo is not classy people. Just look at it and immediately forget it.

(I said no looking at my rolls!!)

Last, I just wanted to mention that I am loving running at night right now because the Christmas lights are so pretty! It really lightens up the streets, and makes a dreary, dark, lonely run so festive!

Merry Christmas to me

Picked myself up a little early Christmas present today. I feel no shame or guilt in buying this for myself because:

a) I never really rewarded myself for completing my 5K and 8K races.
b) My car will be officially paid for next month. Go me!
c) And for heaven's sake, it came from the outlet, and was on sale.

Tips and Advice for New Runners

I still consider myself a newbie runner. I have only been running since the summer, and it's still not easy for me. But fortunately, I'm still enjoying it and have learned a few things along the way that I wanted to share. This post is for other new runners or anyone who is interested in starting a running program. Of course, everyone's journey will be different, and what works for me may not work for you. But I hope it helps, even if just a little! If you have anything to add to the list (which is in no particular order), let me know!

Set a goal - My goal was to run a 5K race. I had no idea how much fun a race would be, and how much sense of pride would come from completing one! (My other goal was weight loss, but more on that later.)

Find a training program - I used the Couch to 5K Program, and highly recommend it. But there are tons of programs out there. I found it so much easier to keep going if I had a set training schedule to stick to each week.

Don't be intimidated - This is a biggie for me. There will always be better, faster runners out there no matter your ability. We all share the same road. I've let myself get intimidated before, and it can really be discouraging. So keep this in mind, and try not to let these seasoned runners intimidate you.

Get a heart monitor - Even though I don't have one of these yet, I really want to get one. I think a heart rate monitor helps so that you know when you can exert yourself a little more or if you need to slow down.

It's ok to stop and walk - When I first started, I felt like if I had to stop and walk it was a "run fail." It's perfectly fine to stop and take a break. Even the best runners have to stop and walk sometimes. The key is to start back running as soon as you feel like you can.

Slow is ok - Something I have to remind myself of all the time. Slow is ok! If it takes you 15 minutes to run a mile - so what? YOU RAN A MILE! Congrats! That is something to be proud of. Speed takes time; I am learning this as I go. My goal is to eventually be able to run a 10 minute mile. That's going to be a while ha!

Running is for overweight people too - I say this because A) I used to think only fit people ran and B) I was scared to run outside for fear of what people would think. Have you seen those people on the Biggest Loser? Anyone can run. Just put your ear buds in your ear and zone everyone out.

Read Up - Cool Running has tons of amazing articles with advice for new runners. The Couch to 5K Program also has a facebook page, and I soak up their articles like a sponge. Great online support too from other runners. http://www.coolrunning.com/

Say no to cotton - Once you start running any distances over 2 miles you really need some good running shirts and shorts/pants. Materials that absorb sweat and prevent chaffing. They tend to be more expensive, but well worth it. Trust me on this one! Also, the first time I ran in the rain, my cotton Capri's felt like they weighed 50 pounds.

Invest in good shoes - This is pretty obvious, but get some good running shoes. It makes ALL the difference in the world.

Sign up for a race - Regardless of your running goals, running a race is a great way to keep you motivated. I signed up for 2 races during the holidays because I knew otherwise my slack ass would find every excuse in the book not to run!

Black Toenail Syndrome - Haven't heard about this? If you are a new runner, prepare yourself. I would have said this wouldn't happen to me, but it did. I woke up one morning and my 3rd toenail was completely black and eventually fell off. It's gross, but just use it as an excuse to get a pedi! Woot!

Music - When I first started running, I picked the fastest tunes I could find. But I soon found that it affected (effected? Sorry I can never remember which) my pace and I would run too fast and get burnt out. Now I find myself choosing music that varies, some slow, so fast, some in between. Just depends. I try to match my pace better now. I still have those fast songs that I can FF to if I want to try to go faster. Or if I'm trying to keep a slow and steady pace, I have some slower more mellow tunes. Just mix it up, whatever works. It's different for everyone.

Crappy days will happen - I have had a few days where I headed out for a run and burned out within 5 minutes. My body just wasn't feeling it. These days will make you feel like a big fat failure. But it's amazing how much difference a day can make. The next day I usually can rock it. Just listen to your body, and if you are having a bad day (physically or mentally) this can affect your run. And it's ok.

Start slow but push yourself - On the Couch to 5K program, I have heard some people say to take as long as you want to progress to each week. I have mixed feelings about this. True, if you really are struggling with say Week 5 to the point where you can barely finish, then yes. I would take an extra day or 2 before progressing. But otherwise, I say push yourself. You'll be amazed at what your body can do, even when you sometimes think otherwise. And the feeling of pride that comes from completing each week is such a great feeling.

Weight Loss - Running is no different than any other cardio program. Calories in, calories out. I have not lost that much weight since I started running, but I believe that I did not always properly try to watch my calorie intake like I should have. I have however lost some inches. Just keep this in mind if your goal includes weight loss.

Weight Training - An area I have not done well in, and perhaps would have helped with weight loss! I highly recommend a weight training program to accompany running! Have heard many runners say they do Yoga also. This is something I'd like to start doing.

Running Partner - If you can, get a partner! I really enjoyed the month or two that my friend M was able to run with me on the weekends. We motivated each other and both ran our 1st 5K together. But most of the time I ran by myself. Sometimes it can be lonely and it's difficult to motivate yourself. But I have found that I like running alone too. You can run at your own pace, and no depending on others for anything.

Stretching - I truly believe the reason I have been so lucky and not had any injuries (knock on wood) is because I take an enormous amount of time stretching before and after. This is not negotiable for me. I don't care what the experts say about only stretching after; I do both. Listen to your body, and do what you think is best for you. I will do another post later on which stretches I do. Also, you have to find a balance between pushing yourself and knowing your bodies limits. Many runners are very competitive and I believe push too hard, therefore injuring themselves. But sometimes, even through all the best efforts to avoid injury, it may happen. Important: Take time to heal.

Running outside vs. Treadmill - In my opinion, running outside is harder. The terrain is uneven, wind resistance, no belt to keep you moving at the same speed and incline at all times. I was shocked at how different it was when I first started running outside. If you are trying to transition to outdoor running, up your incline to .5 or 1 on the treadmill.

Reevaluate - If after a few months you find yourself not progressing or not enjoying running, then maybe running isn't for you. The key is to find what you like to do! So far, even though it's not always easy, I love to run. It mellows me out, and gives me an outlet.

Any of you runners, new or seasoned, have any additional advice?

Me with M after finishing our first 5K back in October. Holla! ;)

Dear Santa

"Santa baby, slip these boots under the tree, for me,
I've been an awful good girl,
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight..."





















Kate Spade Randi All Weather Rain Boots in Lipstick Pink :)

*Thank you for all the wonderful comments, advice, love and support on my last post!! xoxo!

The light at the end of the tunnel

I'm sure that some of you remember my endless depressing tweets and blog posts over the summer like this one and oh yea, this one. I was told by my best friends "You are going to have to just go go through this. Time is the ONLY way to heal your heart." Duh moment, I know. But when someone pulls your heart out of your chest and stomps on it, you have a hard time believing it to be true. Tell that to the girl who drove around in her car day after day during her lunch break for weeks crying. Tell this to the girl who didn't want to get out of bed everyday. Tell this to the girl who avoided her friends and family because she was afraid she would break down at any moment crying (oh wait, that did happen. Several times.). Time will heal. Yea right, I said. You don't understand how much this hurts.

But they did. It's true. Time (and running) is healing me.

The last month or so, I have been feeling SO much better. Starting back in October, life was beginning to get good again. I ran my first 5K, I went to TN with my brother, I dated (a little), I went to Charleston to see Zac Brown in concert, I hung out with friends, family, and work was good. During this time, I started believing in myself again. I knew I was going to be ok. I stopped having anxiety at night. My self esteem is improving.

But as some of you also know, sometimes the hurt and a case of the "sads" can sneak back. And this week, it's crept in. Most likely it's the approaching holidays. The memories of last year floating back. The Christmas commercials of happy couples. The general feeling of loneliness and "am I going to be single forever" at times. I no longer miss HIM. But I do miss having someone in my life. The "I wonder if Ill ever have a family of my own" thoughts are rampant.

Sometimes Christmas is tough, as it is for many of y'all too. Together, we all have our share of the "sads" whether it be money problems, broken families, the death of a loved one and much more. We'll get through it...right? Thank the Lord I am no longer the same girl from this summer. Having said that, I am so READY for 2010. I just know it's going to be better.

I'd like to say a special thank you. Last night, I had an unexpected kind comment from someone and it totally made my day. If you read this, you know who you are - thank you. Made me smile! On a week when I really needed it.

I'm in love

Ok, here is the deal. For those of you girls that have hair that is stick straight and frizz-free after you blow dry, this post is not for you.

If you are like me and have fine, frizzy, wavy, unmanageable hair (bumpy hair as a friend used to call it), you might want to read on.

Remember my Sephora purchases from a few weeks ago? Well there is one thing in that selection that I am in LOVE with. And that is putting it mildly. If it was a man, I'd marry it!

I'm referring to the large round brush. It's amazing! When I'm blowing my hair out, it NEVER catches and breaks my hair. It glides straight through and my hair is always so smooth when I'm done. I usually just take a small amount of Aveda finishing creme over it to prevent fly-aways (thank you Jersey for sending me those samples!)

Now I know there are a lot of amazing brushes out there on the market, but this one works great for my hair. If you are interested, here is the link:

http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P241317&categoryId=B70

This is sans straightener below:







































Hopefully in the hot, humid summer it will work almost as well.

*ETA: I just realized that I already bragged about this brush in that other post. But I love so much, that it bears repeating :)

White Christmas!

Sike.

I decided this year that I would put up a white Christmas tree. It's the closest thing I can get to a white Christmas. When I was a kid, my grandmother always put up a white tree, and so this year I decided to do the same. It makes me think about her and the wonderful Christmases I had with her in Tennessee.

Here is the tree...it's not totally finished yet. I still want to get a bow for the top. Right now I have a star, and I don't love it.

These sand dollars have been on my tree for years. We collected them from the Isle of Palms years ago - back before you weren't supposed to collect the live ones! What can I say, we didn't know any better! I feel bad, but they are very special to me regardless. I had to redo the ribbons this year. I the old red velvet ones with blue and white polka dot ribbon.




















The rest are just some of my favorite ornaments in general.

































He tweeted about the whole process while I decorated.

I just thought this was cute, so wanted to share. I got it at Target last year. It sits on my breakfast bar.

I love my Palmetto ornaments.

This cute little guy came from a shop in N. Smyrna Beach, FL.

Wait....how did HE get in there??? :) He doesn't know it, but he's not staying. We have ornament exchange at work, and I'm giving him away. And hoping like the dickens that my Clemson co-worker gets it. hee hee

Thanks for all the great comments on my last post. I love the blogging community because of all the support. I love that I can throw a problem or issue out there, and someone either knows a solution or can sympathize.

Merry Christmas y'all. Hope the season is good to you all.

The one where I was supposed to...

Remember I said I was going to do a post about running and all the things I've learned along the way? Tips from a newbie runner? Well, I guess you may or may not have noticed, but I never got around to it. Woops! After I said I was going to write about it, I started compiling the list. It kept getting longer and more complicated. And all of a sudden it became an "assignment." And when I have assignments, I procrastinate and shut down. Which means, still no post. I still want to do this though, if for no other reason for myself.

But also, I still consider myself a newbie, because quite frankly, running is STILL very difficult for me. I don't just run out the door for an "easy 3 miles." Some runs are easier than others, and some are more fun than others. But overall, I still struggle. Sometimes I think it's because I'm not consistent. I will have weeks where I run almost every day, and then other weeks maybe only 2-3 times. And my speed. Oy vey. Don't get my started on my speed! I'm so slow! I'm still in awe of people who run 10 minute miles. Sad, no?

So who am I to give tips and / or advice? Don't get me wrong. I'm very proud that I completed the Couch to 5K Program. I'm proud that I will have run 3 (maybe 4) races since October when 2009 comes to an end. But I feel as though somewhere along the line I haven't quite done everything I was supposed to. That 8K kicked my booty. I was happy that I did it, and proud that I finished. But frustrated at how physically unfit I felt when I finished.

Another thing I am disappointed in is my lack of weight loss. I know that I have lost a few inches overall since I started. But the scales have been very slow to move. I know that any weight loss program takes time, but this is just frankly ridiculous. And frustrating. I feel as though I have to starve myself to lose weight these days. That was one of the things that was going to go on my list. Myth Buster: Running = Weight Loss. Not necessarily. It will help, but doesn't guarantee it. I have moments like this past weekend, where I don't deserve to lose weight because of the amount of calories and alcohol consumed! ha! But 75 - 80 % of the time, I eat very healthy. Frustrating.

I said all that to say this: I still plan on doing the tips/advice post. Because I'm hoping that in doing so, I will discover what I need to work more on. Areas and things I can improve on! Such as speed, strength training, dietary choices, etc.

One thing is for sure. I am NOT giving up on running anytime soon!

PS Changed up the font. Hope it's not too small to read. I'm getting bored with my blog and thinking about changing things up soon. Maybe even going to my own domain. Not because I think I'm "cool like that." But just because I'm tired of the whole "blogger" look.