I have never told the story about why my ex (Mr. P) and I broke up, because I never really wanted to go into it on my blog. Truthfully, it was embarrassing. But for some reason today I felt compelled to share. I really don't know why honestly. But it has now been right at a year since we split up, and I want to close the door on that part of my life. Also, several of you have asked me what happened, and I guess now is as good a time as any. Plus, it's a very good example of when you ask God for guidance, He will come through. It's not always what we want, and sometimes it's painful. But it's always in our best interest. Sorry, this is going to be a little long.
Last year around this time, I went to the gym to workout in the morning before work. This is something I
never, ever do. I am without a doubt NOT a morning person. I abuse the snooze button. Although I have gotten better in the last few months, I have always had a problem with tardiness because I stay in the bed too long. It's really stupid, actually. But it is what it is. I drag every morning. I pray about this habit a lot. Some days are better, some are major failures.
The night before this occurred, I was talking to a good friend about maybe for once going to workout in the morning, but I was so tired. I had just gotten back from my
romantic trip to Charleston with Mr. P and I wanted to sleep in so bad! But for some reason, she was extremely insistent that I try out morning workouts. She told me to put out my clothes, shoes, charge the Ipod. Have everything ready. No snoozing. She said "I'll be waiting for your phone call telling me that you went. DO IT." She is never this bossy with me. Looking back, neither one of us knows why she was so persistent that I go. Of course, now we know. There was definitely a reason.
The alarm went off the next morning, and I almost hit the snooze and went back to sleep. But I remembered her phone call the night before, and I did not want to disappoint. Still half asleep and grumpy, I got dressed, grabbed water and my Ipod and and got in my car.
When I got halfway there I called Mr P to tell him I had gotten up and he was going to be so proud of me. Right as his phone was going straight to voicemail, I got stopped at a stoplight. I started leaving my message and I look up. And I see his truck. Leaving a random neighborhood. And, as I knew and later confirmed, another woman's house.
Two days after our trip to Charleston. It shattered me. And if I'm being honest, it wasn't the first time. I embarrassingly fell victim to "I made a mistake, it will never happen again."
The truth is, I never thought I would be one of "those girls" who would be cheated on. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I truly was a member of the "it will never happen to me" club. Cheating was low-class. It didn't happen in my circles. Except that it does. And it did. It happened to me. Talk about a blow to your self esteem. And your pride. I will never forget telling my doctor with tears in my eyes that I needed to have blood work done and feeling so ashamed. I did nothing wrong. She hugged me and told me I was doing the right thing. Yet, still you still feel embarrassed and ashamed. And so disgusted.
Whispers. Instincts. God's voice. Whatever you call it, you should always listen. I was meant to go to the gym that morning. I had been praying for a long time that God would tell me if I was doing the right thing dating this man. I asked for a sign, because He knew I would never leave him on my own. I was too far gone, too in love. So He took matters into his own hands. And it hurt. So bad. It still hurts thinking about it.
However, I am so thankful. Because if I hadn't gone through all of that, I would never be where I am today. I learned a lot about myself. I learned how no matter how broken I am,
I am still strong. I learned that I can always
lean on my friends for support. I learned that
my family will always be there for me. I learned that xanax is a good thing. (I kid...kind've...)
Mostly, I learned that life will go on, time will heal, and I will be happy again. And as happy as The Cub makes me, my happiness does not depend on a person anymore. People will always let you down. They are human and will disapoint. I don't know if The Cub and I are meant for forever. But I know God knows. And I know that my happiness lies in my belief in myself now. And my faith. It gets me through every day. It's getting me through this thing I call My Life.
And so begins the next Chapter. I'm ready. :)
