Ever feel like you missed the train in life? Like you were supposed to buy the ticket or whatever it is that was supposed to get you on the train but you missed out on that? And all your friends are on the train waving at you and you are running beside it trying to get on but you can't seem to make it happen.
Most days I feel so blessed and thankful for the life I have. But some days I just feel so strange. Like life is passing me by and I can't figure out why I'm not on "the bus." I am definitely NOT where I thought I'd be at this age and it's a strange strange feeling. Not necessarily a bad feeling. Just strange. I have morbid thoughts all the time about what's going to happen to me when I lose my parents. My brother and I are not super close, so I'm so scared that I'm going to end up alone someday. I know that is awful but I have these thoughts frequently these days. I could always adopt a child but it's so hard to adopt when you are a single person. So many hoops to jump through and then there's the financial hardships. I don't know if I could do it.
Maybe I'm fighting too hard to get on a train I'm not supposed to be on. But if not, then what's the plan?
Is this a mid-life crisis? I sort've feel like it perhaps. I keep having those "maybe I should go sky-diving" thoughts. I'm in a rut. I don't feel excited about anything these days. Everything seems so....monotonous.
If you know me IRL, please bear with me. This too shall pass. In the mean time, fake it til ya make it...