I don't like goodbyes.

Today I went to the hospital and told one of my dearest friends goodbye. Well not really. We were supposed to but I couldn't do it. She is losing her fight with leukemia and my heart is breaking into a million pieces.  I had a feeling this day was coming, but I didn't know it would come this soon. I'm just not ready to say goodbye.

When I first met her almost 4 years ago, I was intimidated by her because she was one of my bosses here and we didn't speak much. But over the last few years, she's become such a good friend to me. She has become a rock. A person to confide in and lean on. We have played rounds and rounds of Words with Friends. She texts encouraging things to me all the time. She has become more than a coworker...she's become family. She always ended our conversations with "I love you!" And I knew she really did. She has become so special to me. I can hear her voice in my head right now. She was always full of great advice.

I have selfishly prayed all day for a miracle to happen. But also part of me knows how tired she is. I know she doesn't have any fight left in her. And I don't want her to have to suffer anymore. I want her to have her healing. And feel like her old self again.

So instead of saying goodbye, I just told her that it was her turn in Words with Friends and oh yeah...as you've said to me many times, I love you friend. Always...

Update: Five minutes after I posted this, I learned she passed. Please pray for her family during this tough time. I know she is dancing in heaven now and that makes me smile!